Lawyer-philanthropist promises Lynch Bages victory in Denver

[JimHow]

MAINE TIMES

HOW "PROMISES" LYNCH BAGES VICTORY IN DENVER

Lewiston, Maine (AP) -- Internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch Bages" How repeated today his prediction that the 1989 Lynch "Once the Poor Man's Mouton Now 'The New Lafite' " Bages would "soundly trounce" long time rival Pichon "The Purple Baron" Baron at the upcoming annual convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts in Denver at the end of the month.

How was spotted by various paparazzi and other onlookers while engaging in his daily morning constitutional near his estate in a quiet neighborhood in this otherwise thriving central Maine metropolis.

"This is the sixth such battle between these two rivals," pointed out How. "Lynch has been victorious every time. It reaches a point where you have to say it's not really much of a rivalry now, is it."

"I promise you, Lynch will soundly trounce the Purple Baron in this thirtieth anniversary tasting," he said, as he sprinted out ahead of the trailing press corps.

Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts is generally considered the greatest wine web site in the world. This year's event will mark the group's nineteenth consecutive annual convention.

[JeanFred]

hi Jim
I just want to advise you that I have received an Anonymous email that told me to look a certain march 23, 2017 - LYNCH VS BARON IV: EARTHQUAKE in San Franscisco and advise the « MAINE TIME ???

Jean-Fred

[Blanquito]

*FLASH* ———————————————
An unnamed official from a powerful international governing body remarked (off-the-record) that she had serious concerns on the legality of the upcoming heavy weight showdown. Concerns which could cast serious ex post facto doubts on any claims the putative winner will be able to make in this much-anticipated rematch of two legends.

Aside from the possibility disqualifying, wind-aided effects of the dizzying elevation in Denver, she said, the lack of conformity in bottle formats in Lynch Bages v. Pichon Baron could open the entire affair to legal questions that get bogged down in years of law suits.

An outcome, the official added slyly, that only a lawyer could like...

[Tom In DC]

Will Jimmy "Lunch Bags" How have the usual stacks of $20 bills for buying votes, er, uh, walking around money?

[JimHow]

In my kindness and benevolence, I promise that the Lynch v. Baron tasting will be conducted with the utmost integrity and honesty.

Sincerely,
Your Most Kind and Beloved
BD