Lawyer-Philanthropist How arrives on the scene....

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST

LAWYER-PHILANTHROPIST ARRIVES IN D.C. FOR NEGOTIATIONS

Washington, D.C. (AP) -- Internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How arrived in the nation's capital late last night, presumably to participate in negotiations pertaining to the much anticipated 2002 vs. 2000 blind tasting at the annual convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts in late March.

Looking especially tanned and healthy, How arrived at Reagan International Airport on a charter flight from the sub-Sahara, where he had been participating in an international aid effort with Sean Penn and U2's Bono.

"It was a rewarding trip," smiled the affable How to reporters. "And I got to pen some lyrics for my good friend from Dublin City, look for them on the next album."

As members of the media laughed, How's demeanor become more serious.

"It's great to be back in the country, but there is a lot of work that needs to be done. We'll be looking to protect the integrity of the process in the upcoming blind tasting. All we want is fairness and transparency. There is a lot at stake."

As he entered a limousine for the short trip to his Georgetown hotel, How promised more press opportunities in the coming days.

[DavidG]

Unfortunately, How left the press conference without answering questions from the local Fox News reporter about the meaning of his "LB" nickname. How says it stands for "Lynch Bages" but a number of other possibilities have been raised, most dating back to his earlier political career. "Loves Bribery" and "Liberal B!tch" are among them. It really raises the larger question of who How really is. Calls for him to produce a copy of his birth certificate have been circulating in some right-wing circles.

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST
LAWYER: UNDERDOG VINTAGE IS "AMERICA'S TEAM"

Washington, D.C. (AP) -- Internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How spent most of the day today making the rounds on Capitol Hill, meeting with elected leaders from both sides of the aisle in a deeply divided Congress.

Cameras flashed as How stood between Congressional leaders John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi, the three clasping hands in unity.

"In America, anything is possible," said an ebullient How.

The veteran of many epic blind tasting battles at annual conventions of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts, How was effusive in his praise for the 2002 left bank vintage, a year he called "the greatest Bordeaux vintage since 1961."

"Two thousand and two is the ultimate underdog," said How. "It truly represents all that is good about America. 2002 is indeed America's team."

The 2002 Bordeaux vintage will match up against the highly favored 2000 vintage at a blind tasting in the nation's capital in late March.

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST
LAWYER: BORDEAUX LEGEND SLATED FOR DC CONVENTION

Lewiston, Maine (AP) -- Internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How responded to media requests for comment this morning outdide of his country estate in snowy Maine.

"I am thrilled to confirm the rumors," said How, donning cross country skis in preparation for his daily twenty mile run. "We have been in negotiations with several billionaires in New York and D.C. The 1989 Lynch Bages will be present at next month's convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts in the natiion's capital."

The veteran reporters, usually emotionless, roared with approval.

Gaining a reputation as "The New Lafite," the 1989 Lynch Bages has been fetching in excess of $400 per bottle at recent auctions. It is best known for its epic battles over the years against its fellow Pauillac legend and stablemate, the 1989 Pichon "The Purple Baron" Baron.

"This is the best wine since 1961," said How. "We are in for a great treat, and we are greatly appreciative to the American billionaires who have generously donated these legendary bottles."

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST
SOURCES: LYNCH VS. BARON REMATCH IN WORKS?

New York, NY (AP) -- Members of the local and international media have been scrambling to investigate reports of a possible major development in next month's annual convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts in the nation's capital.

Sources have reported that internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How had secretly arrived at LaGuardia Airport and was escorted into Manhattan by a small motorcade provided by the office of New York mayor Bill de Blasio.

One sketchy report had How meeting in the East Side penthouse of the secretive Manhattan billionaire known in international circles only as "Jal."

Rumors swirled throughout the night that the negotiations may have centered on two bottles of 1989 Pichon Baron. Known more affectionately as "The Purple Baron," this wine has on three prior occasions been defeated in epic BWE convention blind tasting battles against its Pauillac stablemate, the 1989 Lynch Bages. The '89 Lynch is widely regarded in wine circles as the best Bordeaux since 1961.

The Post will report additional details as they develop.

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST
IT'S OFFICIAL: LYNCH-BARON IV

Washington, D.C. (AP) -- An epic rivalry will resume in late March when two old friends face off in the nation's capital for the fourth chapter in their historic blind tasting match ups.

The 1989 Lynch "The New Lafite" Bages will square off against the 1989 Pichon "The Purple Baron" Baron in a blind tasting at the 14th annual convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts.

The stunning announcement was made by a state department spokesman following negotiations to procure the rare wines by internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How with billionaire collectors from North Carolina and New York.

The two 1989 wines from the famed Pauillac region of Bordeaux in France have battled three previous times in Chicago, with the Lynch -- generally accepted as the greatest wine since 1961 -- scoring victories each time.

The two veteran combatants are expected to appear at a local press conference as early as this weekend.

[RDD]

Chicago match is shrouded in controversy as some witnesses testified the fix was in.

[JimHow]

Lol. I have no idea what you are talking about!

[Tom In DC]

Graveyard votes may work in Chicago but you'll need some "walking around money" to get the electorate energized in this town, Jim. A couple of inches of Jackson's worked back in Hizzoner's day, but I'm thinking you'll need Grant's or Benjamin's to swing this particular mob your way.

[JimHow]

ha ha it could be a challenge but I've been watching a lot of House of Cards to get myself in the spirit....

[dstgolf]

I hope that you are not looking for pointers from Kevin Spacey on how to succeed in Washington!!

[JimHow]

I think Jimmy L.B. How has a little Kevin Spacey in him, don't you think Danny?

[JimHow]

WASHINGTON POST
"AMERICA'S TEAM" DEPARTS FOR NATION'S CAPITAL

Lewiston, Maine (AP) -- Cold temperatures did not dampen the enthusiasm of a large late afternoon crowd that gathered in this central Maine mill town to send off a local contingent of wine favorites from the fabled Medoc region of France.

"I'd like you to meet 'America's Team'" shouted internationally renowned lawyer and philanthropist Jimmy "Lynch 'The New Lafite' Bages" How above the roars of the crowd at the local Greyhound bus station. How proceeded to introduce the combatants -- Pichon Baron, Calon Segur, and Sociando Mallet -- from the 2002 Bordeaux vintage, widely recognized as the best vintage of the decade.

The most emotional moment came when legendary Bordeaux veteran 1989 Lynch Bages, the greatest wine since 1961, took to the podium. Hardly a dry eye was seen in the crowd as How solemnly recounted the Lynch's epic victories in three prior blind tastings against the 1989 Pichon "The Purple Baron" Baron in Chicago.

In an interview following the rally, How advised that he intended to beef up vote count security for the upcoming DC blind tastings, citing past DC "shenanigans" among local DC election officials.

"There will be no Vieux Chateau Certan controversy his year," said How, confidently, referring to controversial "tactics" of questionable local DC pols Tommy "The Hit Man" Wheltle and David "G-Man" Glasser." "All we are asking for is a fair election."

The 2002s will face off against the heavily favored 2000 vintage, and the 1989 Lynch will pair off for the fourth time against the 1989 Pichon Baron at the fourteenth annual convention of Bordeaux Wine Enthusiasts, to be held this year in Washington, D.C.

[RDD]

The most emotional moment came when legendary Bordeaux veteran 1989 Lynch Bages, the greatest wine since 1961, took to the podium. Hardly a dry eye was seen in the crowd as How solemnly recounted the Lynch's epic victories in three prior blind tastings against the 1989 Pichon "The Purple Baron" Baron in Chicago.



Should I bring my "secret" witness to the Chicago shenanigans?

[JimHow]

I'll tell you this much about Chicago, Rob, they know how to count their votes there.
As for DC, on the other hand, there is work that needs to be done.
I hope I can count on your vote.

[DavidG]

And so it begins. I feel like I'm watching the "No Spin Zone" on Fox, and How is the vinous O'Reilly. These guys consider the vote "fixed" if they aren't allowed to cheat at the polls.

You want to talk shenanigans? Let's just see who demands to electioneer and speechify while the voters have their pens in hand, ready to cast their ballots. Let's just see who demands to participate in counting the votes. Both are well-known tactics employed on past occasions by Jimmy "LB" How. Next thing you know he'll be asking voters to produce photo IDs and birth certificates.

[JimHow]

That's not a bad idea....